I vividly remember the first time I was keenly aware that I was different, that something betrayed me from fitting in with the white kids at school.
Before going to school, I never noticed my dad’s skin color. When I went to his softball and volleyball games there were loads of other people that looked like him and kiddos that looked like me in varying shades.
I remember in Kindergarten being asked, ‘why do you look so funny?’ by a boy in my class.
Out on the playground as we got older the white boys targeted the ‘different’ people by tossing pebbles at us as we played.
It was in those moments that I realized white people thought of me as an other. If you ask my dad he’ll tell you that we didn’t talk about race until I was in upper elementary school, but I was certainly aware.
I remember how my peer’s views of me changed over the years. Even the white girls as I developed into a curvier figure with a larger voice started to lump me as ‘different’ along with the other biracial girl at school.
I wonder often about my kids-what they’ll look like…will they get their dad’s olive tinged Norwegian skin, will they get my undertones which are almost impossible to place, or will they be darker than us. And how will we talk to them about race? How will we teach that 2 year old that the world is going to treat them different, giving them a side eye because they have a different shade than their parents.
And then I forgive my parents for letting me figure it out alone. For entering the constant commentary of ‘what are you?’ ‘why are you so white?’ ‘you’re so exotic.’ And that’s just the light stuff.
When did you first become aware of race and how do you/will you talk to young people about it?